The Guilt

I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a while!!

Lately I’ve been feeling guilty about everything that comes with parenting!! When I adopted my 5 kids I knew that things would get difficult, I was ready to deal with the bad behaviors and the crazy things that my girls would do. I wasn’t prepared for all this guilt that seems to becoming with it.

My biological son is 9 years old and is pretty well behaved. When he was a baby to about 6 years old we did weekly mom and son dates. Then I became a foster mom and it became once every other week to once a month and now that I adopted, we might have alone time one time in about 5 months. It kills me, especially when I try to make time but cant seem to find it! I know he knows I loves him. We no longer have as many date nights but I still cuddle up with him and play video games or watch a movie. It doesn’t stop the fact that I feel so bad. Will he grow up to resent his sibling? Will he say I failed as a parent? These are the questions that keep me up at night!!

My cute little girl Malaya is 7. She’s a pretty happy girl! Its not until recently that I realized that she loves doctor appointments. Why? well that’s our alone time! that’s the time she gets just with mommy!!

My older girls are constantly trying to have all the attention on them! It doesn’t matter if we are watching a movie or eating dinner. They always are trying to be the center of attention and I cant help but wonder if its because they feel as if they don’t get enough attention! And my youngest son seems to hate being home lately!!! I don’t really understand why because he’s the baby of our house!!!! he gets to cuddle more than the other kids!!!

I guess my feeling of guilt will always be here!!!! Between ballet tap jazz and acro, soccer, lacrosse and 4 different basketball teams, constant one on one time will be hard. I just hope the vacations, the game nights and the laughs around the dinner table make up for it all!!! I love my babies!!!! I just wish we had more hours in the day!

 

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